In early November, I discovered that, believe it or not, cancer is actually real after my mom found out that she had breast cancer. I remember her explaining the situation to me. I don’t remember what room I was in or whether I was sitting or standing, I just remember her voice. She calmly told me that the doctors found cancer and that she would have to get it removed via a lumpectomy fairly soon. She made sure I understood that they caught the cancer extremely early but she would still be going through chemotherapy and radiation treatments. She brought me up to speed and included me on the journey. After she finished, I didn’t know what to say. I mean, what do you say to someone who just found out that they had cancer? Sorry? I don’t remember what I actually said but it was probably pretty pathetic and minimalistic.
No matter what I actually said out loud, my first honest thought was “Shit, I don’t really have time for her to have cancer right now. Is this going to take up a lot of my time?” I clearly can pride myself in how altruistic I am. Seriously though, I took the opportunity as a time for my own selfishness. I was so caught up in myself that I couldn’t feel any sort of sympathy for her.
Of course, the lumpectomy came up fast. After the surgery, my mom came home and the medicine that they gave her made her extremely nauseous. My dad and I were tasked with taking care of her. As you can imagine, I was not very happy about that and I probably didn’t hesitate to show it. A few weeks after, the chemo treatments started. Still in my selfish mindset, I half-heartedly served my mom during the first round. Throughout all of this, I didn’t direct my frustration towards the cancer itself. Instead, I found myself angry at my mom for hosting it. Makes total sense, right? Definitely not.
Not too long later, I started to realize just how much of a jerk I had been the past few weeks. I thought about how people took time out of their days to bring us meals each night so that we wouldn’t have to worry about it. I thought about my mom’s friends who would come over to take care of her when my dad and I couldn’t be there. I thought about everyone who sent my family cards or notes because they actually cared about us. Everyone around me was so selfless and there I was in the eye of the storm – the needle in the haystack. I understood that I needed to turn things around but that’s a lot easier thought than put into action. I started praying about it and began working towards my ultimate goal: selflessness. I wish I could say that something miraculous happened and that God “took away my selfish heart and gave me a new one,” but that’s definitely not the case. Our culture thrives on ego-centrism, it's savory and it is encouraged if you want to be successful.
That is why I want to take the time to give cancer a huge “thank you.” If it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t have ever realized how egotistical I can be. You brought yourself in to my home, the one place I am vulnerable to a change of heart, and you showed me what I needed to alter. You showed me how incredible life is when people are generous. You taught me that I needed to grow up a little. You surrounded me with people that I can look to for help and you gave me an opportunity to actually practice altruism.
Dear Cancer, I'll say it once more, thank you.
Your friend,
Austin